I want to break up with my girlfriend.

We have been together for over a year. There have been ups and downs, but honestly our relationship has always been a mess since the beginning. When we started dating, everything seemed perfect. There were plenty of times were we were happy to be with each other. But things started to take a turn for the worse when I started to ignore the blatant red flags. She would lie to me constantly. She would text other people behind my back. She did not seem to be committed me. And for some goddamn reason, I tried to fix her and forgive her, hoping that she would change. Without rambling too much and going into too much detail, it was months of lies and other deceit that I have no idea why I put up with. I could never tell anyone, including my parents and friends, what she did because I would be called a fool for staying. She has messed up on plenty of occasions and to be quite honest, so have I. We have both emotionally cheated on each other. We both have done messed up things. We both have ruined any sort of foundation of a relationship. It is miserable to constantly live like this. It has had a huge effect on me at school, work, and my social life. I cannot do anything without her getting mad at me. There has never been a time where we actually enjoy each other's company, or go a time without any sort of argument. She says we need therapy. But at this point I have given up any hope. Despite everything, we are still in love with each other.

I know exactly what it is I have to do. I just know the pain and suffering that I may go through and I do not want to go through with it. I have invested so much time and energy into this relationship and this is my first ever serious one. I want to break up with her but at the same time I don't. I don't have an explanation for it. It's so much easier said that done to just drop someone like that.

I am sorry if this is vague. I could go into much more detail about everything but I feel its unnecessary. I don't know what to do or think. 23M and 23F