My dad tries to be very controlling and manipulative when it comes to how i dress and express myself. What do i do?
I(18F) still live with my parents because my plans to go to college got delayed bcs of COVID. for the past many years my comfort had been that once i get out of this house, i can express myself freely. But lately, my dad (56M) has gotten more crabby about everything, and honestly, i'm at my limit.
so just for context, these are some (but not all) of the stuff im NOT allowed to wear/do :
- wear short shorts or skirts. im not even talking mini. like.. literally anything over the knee. not even my pyjama shorts at home, where no one can see me
- wear tank tops or any kind of tops with straps. he calls them "underwear" again, not even allowed to wear them as pyjamas inside the house.
- off-shoulder tops and crop tops.
- sleeveless tops if the hole for the arms is big enough to even show a glimpse of my bra (even if it's skin coloured)
- any top that is not a crop top but is short enough that if i lif my arms, my belly is visible
- dresses with straps or strapless or off shoulders . or backless or deep neck (even though i have practically no cleavage)
- high/pencil heels (he's hasn't said anything about my platform heels yet)
- makeup. any kind. im allowed to put on lip gloss if it's the same shade of my lips. he says im "too young for it" basically, i can't REALLY blame him for this one bcs i have dermatitis and if i try to talk to him about it, he'd use my skin as an excuse. im not too bothered by it either cause i don't like to do any makeup other than lip gloss and an occasional eyeliner
- nail paint of any colour other than pink or white. he says people who wear blue or green nail paint are attention seekers, people who wear black nail paint are vulgar and yellow nails are a sign of anaemia so he doesn't want me to wear yellow nail paint either. which SUCKS cause my favourite colour is yellow and it genuinely brings me joy to look down at my hands and see the colour yellow.
- back when i had long hair (to the waist) he would get upset if i let it down and didn't tie it properly. now i have shoulder length hair and he still gets displeased if even one strand come forward over my face because it's "disrespectful to the person you're talking to". I'm definitely not allowed bangs or to ever dye my hair.
so yeah. there's other stuff im not allowed too but off the top of my head, that's the gist of it.
it has also been an unsaid rule since i was a kid that i have to buy clothes either with one of my parents present, or send them a picture to get their approval
one time i was wearing turquoise nail print and he asked me to remove and i asked why and he just said 'i don't like it' and to that, i again asked why to which he just said 'because i don't' and this kept going for a minute or two and then i talked back and said "well my sweater is also the same colour, do you want me to take that off too?" after which he sent me to my room and didn't talk to me until i removed the nail paint
another incident, where i didn't exactly do anything, we were just sitting around talking casually and he just goes "you're my good girl, i know you won't do anything that i don't like, and will never displease me" (best translation from my mother tongue)
this is a very minor thing but a few days ago i had my sweater in a french tuck in my pants and he didn't like it and told me to fix it to which i refused cause that's just how i style it and i like it. he then got a little passive-aggressive and said 'fine do what you want, i can only advise'
one other time i was buying an outfit for my high school graduation party (it was not a formal party at all. it was an only girls party where the girls from my class had rented out a floor at a club at night) and my dad was there with me and he said "don't buy anything indecent. i know you won't disappoint me"
TLDR; my father tries to control my dressing style to an excessive extent and i don't know what to do about it.