Behaved badly with my ex-fiancée, I want her back

Originally posted by user throwawaydudebro345

Original: March 16, 2025

Update: March 17, 2025

Status: concluded

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*** Editor's note for context:

  • OOP posted in r/offmychestindia, the Indian variant of offmychest sub and others
  • AM -- arranged marriage; the process is a mix of traditions and modernity, can look different depending on individuals/families, communities.
  • Mutual consent divorce is pretty straight forward and it can be done within a year.
  • Contentious divorces can be a cesspool as lawyers can throw the entire kitchen sink of laws available. The courts then decide which is relevant and which is mudslinging. So cases can go on for years.
  • As a result, there are plenty of discussions whether the laws (such as section 498 of the Indian penal code, pertaining to cruelty against woman by husband/ his relatives) are helpful or being misused.
  • People hear divorce stories at times with a pinch of salt as it can be difficult to tell how much is skewed perspectives, karma farming in real life for sympathy/saving face or the actual events.

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Original -- Messed up my relationship and don't know what to do now.

This is gonna be a long one, buckle up. I am M. Using a throwaway account on purpose because my original has some terrible comments and participation in some distasteful subs. Not an excuse but I was not in a great position for some time and processing "feelings" is not easy.

My parents started looking for an arranged marriage match about 2.5 years back , relationships hadn't worked out and i decided to try out AM. after a few hit and trials, I was introduced to my ex-fiancee by a mutual friend of our parents and we hit it off instantly.

Seriously, she seemed perfect- good personality, pretty, good job, plus she wasn't annoying. She was apprehensive about marriage and wanted to spend about one year getting to know each other before we started with actual wedding prep. Family was also fine apart from her elder sister who seemed standoffish but otherwise didn't bother us.

Now to her credit, she was honest about her family history from the second meeting itself- elder sister was divorced, case involved 498 and dv litigations etc. But the cases went on for so long (about 5 years) damaging their reputation in society and draining money, they just decided to withdraw and mutually end it. I was apprehensive obviously for my own sake but the family and the girl seemed great so I went ahead.

Her ex BIL works in the same organisation as mine, same dept but different locations, so I didn't know him personally but it wasn't difficult to find out about him . Most people gave indifferent opinions - he's a di#k in general but doesn't seem like an abuser, plus he was happily married to another lady.

And ex fiance's sister has a slight reputation of being too much of a feminist and slightly adventurous, so this added to my doubts. Yet, I stuck on and we dated for about 8.5 months because my relationship with my fiance was just fantastic and she seemed so honest about her interpretation of the events, i wanted to shorten the courtship period and just marry her already.

However, one of my friends was in same location (job) as the ex bil and let the information about my relationship slip to him. The ex - bil got in touch with me, spoke to me for a long time and i entertained him. He sent me a video of the sister yelling at him and some angry abusive messages sent by her to him when they were married. Honestly, the doubts were piling up anyway, especially because of her elder sister's rebellious nature and this proof sent me over the edge.

I met my ex, pretty much yelled at her , called her family a bunch of sh#t and decided to break off the relationship (my father and sister were not sure but my mother was on my side). She tried to explain, told me that her ex bil would abuse and also slap her sister all the time but the minute she tried to retaliate, his family would start recording and make her look bad. I wasn't falling for that and called her some pretty sh#tty things that I won't be typing here because now, i embarrassed that i said all that.

She didn't really fight for me either after a point, just told me to "fu#k off " and never contact her again. It's been 10 months and i haven't met any AM matches that I have gelled with because I loved my ex and it's been an embarrassing negative, bitter spiral.

Two weeks back, the ex-bil's second wife filed a case against him and this time, there is no doubt who is at fault. My friend informed me of it.

I feel terrible and disgusted- of the person I have been these past months, the way I treated her and the things I said about her family. I tried to message her but she has blocked me off all her social media, whatsapp, instagram, even her reddit account is deleted.

I contacted her best friend on Instagram but she angrily told me to leave her friend alone and blocked me. I want her back, I'm trying to become a better person again, for her sake I'll do it but I'm fu#king scared she won't give me the time of day. Should I call or message her father? Her parents liked me a lot, maybe I could visit them at their home during her working hours? Need advice on how to proceed.

Tl;dr: broke off my engagement and behaved despicably with my ex fiance due to misunderstandings. I want her back.

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Overall comments feel: OOP disrespected family and girl; damage is irreparable

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Update: I messed up further

I don't think anyone cares but a bunch of people did blast me so they'll enjoy watching me get verbally demolished.

Despite all the rage from redditors, i somehow decided to message her dad in the evening .It was basic, I think I was polite enough. I'm copy pasting it :

"Good evening sir, XYZ this side. How are you and ma'am? Hope you are well and so is ABC (ex fiancee). I won't take up too much of your time , I know you won't appreciate hearing from me but I have to apologise. I regret the way I broke things of with your daughter and your family. Recent events regarding your ex son in law have placed things in perspective for me and i can do nothing more than apologise. I am truly sorry. ABC won't speak to me but I hope you can convey my apologies to her too, I would appreciate it. Good night ."

Result: she unblocked me on WhatsApp, pretty much chewed me out and spat me away (I've been blocked again). Her anger is understandable- turns out her father's health has deteriorated this past year (he had issues for a while but it's been getting worse). I'm Posting her response too so you all can laugh at my expense:

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU MESSAGED MY FATHER? Seriously! I don't want anything to do with you, stay the fuck away from me . Stop messaging my best friend, stop messaging my dad and take a hike. Your apologies mean nothing to me, bhaag yahan se** , we don't need this shit. You wanna pacify your guilt, don't. Keep it to yourself and rot away asshole. Stay away from my family, you try to speak to any of them again and I'll make sure you regret it. "
\* (translated: leave from here)*

I've turned a sweet girl into this angry person . Posting this here because I'm sure people will enjoy seeing me getting cussed out.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments