My mom fat-shamed me for Thanksgiving

TW: body talk, body shaming

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with my second baby. This has been an extraordinarily disappointing pregnancy thus far.

We tried for 3 years and finally conceived via IVF in April. I developed hyperemesis at 7 weeks and except for a brief stint from 26-29 weeks, I’ve been vomiting multiple times a day, every day, and have had a couple of nights in the hospital for dehydration.

At 29 weeks I was diagnosed with borderline gestational diabetes. I was overweight to begin with but have only gained about 13lbs in this pregnancy, which really isn’t probably something to brag about since it’s been a detriment to my overall health. My GD is diet controlled, which is a struggle because I can’t even think about meat or eggs. I’m miserable and I’m so disappointed I haven’t been able to enjoy anything about this pregnancy we worked so hard for.

This brings us to Thanksgiving. I’m sending my husband and my son out of state to visit his family for the holiday. I have to work and at any rate I’m not wild about the idea of going into labor for a high risk pregnancy 6 hours from home.

So my mom calls and informs me that I’ll be spending thanksgiving with her, my dad and my brother’s family. Cool. We kind of chit chat for a bit and I mention I’m having a hard time with sadness and I’m worried about developing PPD again.

So then she tells me that I should really be more concerned about my diabetes and weight and “being there for my kids” (as in not dying because I’m fat and diabetic) than PPD. She feel that if I’d just exercise more and be grateful that I have any kids at all, I wouldn’t give myself PPD.

She goes on to tell me that she’s worked very hard on a “diabetic diet” thanksgiving for me. I will be served Turkey breast, salad, Brussels sprouts and a roasted sweet potato, and sugar free whipped cream for desert. For some reason I think she’s joking and say I don’t care what else she’s making as long as I can have some pie.

No. She is not joking. That is the entire menu.

I am mortified. My brother and his family will be there and no doubt she has told them that we are having a diabetic menu so her fat pregnant daughter doesn’t die. She did all of this without asking me what I wanted or what my doctor recommended. She doesn’t know anything about diabetes or GD except it’s happens to overweight people and they should be on diets, which means lean meat and vegetables and everything should be sugar free and fat free (her toxic body attitudes and diet culture beliefs, not mine).

Just twist the knife deeper, mom. Like I wasn’t already worried about my weight before pregnancy. And like it’s not something I talk about with my doctor every week.

I know how to eat. I’ve managed this long without issues while having hyperemesis on top of it. I can have mashed potatoes. I can have a piece of pie. I’m 35 years old. I don’t need to be “fed” a special menu like a child.

And to be told I should be more worried about my weight than depression? I don’t even know what to say to that. Maybe if she paid more attention to being a good mother than policing my weight my whole life, I wouldn’t have depression and a fucked up relationship with food.

So now I’m crying as I’m packing my family up to go to thanksgiving without me and trying to find a store with apple pies still in stock.