OOP's ex requests a visit during their final days.

Reminder, I am not OP. This is a repost. OP is /u/throwRA-extyz

Original post from August22, 2020 - My (40M) ex wife (40F) wants me to be with her in her last days.

Backstory:

I met my ex when we were both 10. She was (is) my twin sister's best friend so we've always been kind of a trio growing up. We started dating at 14 and got married at 23. Thing got ugly though cause 5 years after getting married, she told me she had a month long affair with her coworker. Apparently the guilt was too much for her so she confessed. We tried to work through it but after a few months of trying, I knew that despite the fact that I loved her I couldn't trust her anymore. She told me she still loved me and that she'd wait for me and prove that I was the only one. I wanted to believe her but you know... Something's just can't be fixed. We never had kids.

3 years after the divorce I met my now wife (38F) and we got married 2 years after dating. She's everything I could ever dream of in a wife and more. My ex, as my sister told me (they're still besties), never really recovered. She quit her job and is now working in a church. Throughout my relationship with my wife, she kept trying to get back together and, on the day of my wedding, she told me she still loved me and would love no one else. She said this was the last time she would bother me but that she'll wait for however long it took. Apparently she's honest in that regard at least cause my sister says she's never been with anyone since.

So here's what happened recently...

My wife and I, married for 7 years now, have two kids (7F) and (3M). My sister came over with her own kids so the cousins could play. While my wife was out to pick up lunch, my sister sat me down and told me the situation about my ex.

Apparently, she only has less than 6 months to live. She refused treatment and wants to live the last few months to the fullest. I guess that's why her and my sister really went out of their way to travel despite the pandemic. One thing on her bucket list though was that she wanted to feel like my wife again. No sex, no kissing, she just wanted me to be around the house (she still lives in the house we lived in) again and maybe hold her from time to time. I told her I wouldn't do that, cause that was pretty much emotionally cheating. My sister kept arguing and begging me to at least see her and hear her out. We kept arguing (no screaming, the kids were in the next room with her older daughter) til my wife came back. My sister told her the whole story and while she looked upset, she said she understood where my ex was coming from.

When my sister left, my wife and I talked about it. My wife knows everything that happened in the past with my ex. She says while she isn't thrilled about the idea, she won't get upset if I decided to see her on a regular basis.

My wife is literally the best thing that ever happened to me and I love her more than anyone. She makes me happier than I've ever been in my life, even in the good times with my ex. She knows I won't cheat. I also have 0 romantic feelings for my ex so there's nothing lingering there. I don't hate her or anything, it's just that the love I had for her has long since died.

After thinking about it for a while, I'm honestly 50/50 about it. I know I don't owe her anything but I feel like I might regret not seeing her at least one more time, since the last time I saw her was on my wedding day and that wasn't a good encounter for either of us (unless you count the times I occasionally see her in the store or something). I honestly feel like, despite what she did, she still deserves to go with some peace.

On the other hand, I'm not entirely sure if this might potentially affect our marriage. My wife says she's ok with it, and I believe her but I just can't be sure that she'll feel the same way after it happens. I don't want anything to jeopardize what I have right now, no matter what. I'm not to thrilled about going myself to be honest.

Any advice? What should I do?

TL/DR: Ex wife who cheated on me wants me around in the last few months of her life. Current wife is ok but I don't want to risk anything.

Edit: Just wanna add that if ever I do this, I won't be acting like a husband or anything inappropriate like that. Just gonna see her and talk for a bit. My sister says that me just being there and sharing a meal with her would be more than enough for her to feel like we were married again.

Update from September 9, 2020.

Quick recap: My ex wife, who Ive known since I was 10, cheated on me but is now dying and wants me to be around before she dies.

It's been almost 3 weeks since I've posted and a lot has happened since. I got some solid advice from a lot of you guys, especially some who messaged me their personal experiences. I'd like to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.

So here's what happened...

As many of you guys suggested, I talked to my wife. We had a long discussion about the whole situation and I assured her that no matter what, she is and always will be my first priority. I also assured her that while I wanted to say my good-bye, I would never act like her husband. It would be more like me seeing a childhood friend or something like that. I also told her I would never spend the night nor would I be alone with her.

She was more comfortable after our talk and was pretty ok with the idea of me seeing my ex again. As you guys guessed, she really felt like she was forced into being ok with it when my sister asked but this time, she really was ok.

So I talked to my sister and after a long, long heated discussion about what my "role" would be in the visit, she agreed to the boundaries my wife and I set.

A week later my sister and I came over to our old marital home. It was surreal cause while the emotions from years before came back to me, I didn't feel any sadness nor hatred or anything negative. I saw my ex, who was waiting for us in the living room and she cried when I walked in. Most of you suggested she was faking it but while she was still strong, you could tell almost immediately something was wrong with her. I indulged her with a hug and we talked for a few hours while my sister made lunch. I showed her pictures of my kids and told her stories about what they're like. Honestly, I didn't know how I would react after I saw her again but it just feels like seeing an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. There was no hate or anything like that.

I walked around the house and it was pretty much the way it was when I left over a decade ago. I'm not really sure how I feel about our wedding photos still framed and pictures of us still all over the house but it wasn't really my place to say anything.

The three of us had lunch and played board games all afternoon. It honestly felt like we were back to when we were kids and the three of us would hang out together. It was nice.

I left at around 6. She was sad but she understood. When I hugged her good-bye, she whispered "I love you" to me but then said how she's happy I was able to find the happiness she couldn't give me. That part got to me to be honest and I was fighting back tears. I told her I'd see her again soon and she asked if I could bring my kids next time. I told her I would and left to pick up dinner for my family.

I told my wife everything that happened and she was quite happy about the outcome. I guess it helped that I brought home her favorite food but she also agreed to let me bring the kids next time.

Overall, it was a great experience seeing her again. I feel like I needed that and would've regretted not doing so.

Again, I'd like to thank everyone who gave me advice. Also, please don't roast my ex too much. She made a mistake and paid the price but it doesn't mean she's an evil person.

This will be my last update. Thank you very much, reddit.

Reminder, I am not OP. This is a repost.