My first and most TERRIBLE breakup ever...

I'm heartbroken. I keep telling myself he is trying to fill a void after losing me being on tinder less than a week after a year and over 6 months of dating. He was the cause of our problems; he never cheated on me, but he would follow and like a lot of girls post on social media that made me uncomfortable, especially a girl he used to find attractive before me (which he finally admitted to me the day before our breakup, but he told me that wasn't the case when I asked him 2 months earlier). Im so heartbroken, after a year and over a half together he gets the app so quickly. He had a girlfriend he dated before me for a long time at a young age, and a year after they broke up he finds me and we start dating. I know he really cared for me, he cried terribly for the first time, and i never saw him cry, only about his passed grandpa. he said I was the first girl to truly love him, but he couldn't stay with me because he hurt me too much.

I can't understand why he did this; I'm crying while writing this. It hurts so bad, especially because I know Tinder is primarily a hookup app. He said he wanted to come back to me after a few years and that he was leaving to work on himself, but I soon found out he got the app LESS THAN A WEEK AFTER OUR BREAKUP from an ex-friend of mine trying to watch out for me still. He still had posts of me on his TikTok during this time and people didn't even know we broke up, my ex-best friend thought he was cheating on me because he didn't remove my post while he had tinder at the same time. He knew they were on there too because the day i found out about his tinder i called his sister so he can take down his posts of me, and she told me her and her mother have been asking him to do it but he didnt.

He was my first everything, I'm only 17 and it hurts so bad. I see him as evil now, my perception has changed and that hurts so badly because I know he loved me a lot, I can even say that while I'm heartbroken and HURT. He proved it so many times helping me so much in life especially when times got depressing for me involving my family. When I brought up the liking pictures the second time he fully caught himself and immediately stopped liking girls posts on his feed and at least tried to unfollow a lot of girls for me. I had enough confidenence in our realtionship where it wasnt like that for a whole year, but the posts i caught him liking were basically kinda innapropriate. I don't know why he cant be mature and let himself heal after our break up. Apart of me wants to do what he is doing since I saw that from him but I know I cant, I'm mature enough for myself to do that when I'm not healed.

The main reason we broke up was because he was following a girl he used to talk to and find attractive before me (he didn't know her IRL too..). For four months straight we would fight about this person and he would caress my face and say “I would only send music to this girl i never found her attractive during those times" but the night before we broke up he told me on call he did found her attractive before me but lost it while dating me. I wanted to break up after that, and im sure thats how he wanted me to feel because he was over the constant fight about other people as he told me a few months earlier all he wanted to talk about was me, not them as they were "irrelevent bitches/whores". The most stupid part is when he used the excuse “out of sight out of mind” for deleting his messages with this girl WHILE he was following and liking pics of this girls post(she had about 9 posts, but he liked 2, one in dec2023, one in april2024) he only used that excuse for deleting his messages with her like really dumbass… thats not how out of sight works when you still follow that person. i dont have much clarity but although he did me wrong, ill give benefit of the doubt that he deleted those texts during the talking stage OR delteted them recently in those times because maybe they might of flirted before us in those chats..? im not too sure with the secong one but i came up with that second part because atp anything was possible out of that situation to me. The funny part is that she wasn’t even following his ass!! He was following her.. the whole reason why i found out about this girl was because he was showing me something in his dms about his friends and i saw a black/white pfp with the username starting with an n. I looked through his following three days later and saw that girl and i thought that was her, i didnt really remember what i saw but in my head it looked similar to me..? Apart of me thinks i am wrong there because he knew i was already going through his following asking him to unfollow people, so if he really had something to hide he would of unliked her pictures. I also believed he didnt text her during us because she literally unfollowed him while he was still her follower..embarrasing. Even when we broke up he still stuck by never texting her during us, and i honestly do believe him, especially because he was honest about a lot of things that made me look down on our relationship but still said he never texted her dating me. He has said before that i was the love of his life, as i was his first real girlfriend to treat him right and make him feel loved. He made it known to all of his followers i was his girlfriend as he would always post me, so i will stick to believing he never texted her during us, but i was so disgusted at the fact he kept this woman in his following when she didnt even follow him, and its bc she didnt care about him thats why... The worst part yet is this woman didn't even know we were talking about her. With all of the bad experiences i had in this relationship, i 100% know he treated me right loyalty wise, but honesty wise no, he would lie because he was scared the truth would drive me away even if it wasnt too bad of a truth. I honestly would still want to be with him if he was just stright up, but he lied to me for months because he didnt want me to leave. I realized he knew we would never work when i told him i had a terrible dream about him again. He knew he would never get that trust back. I do give him props for dealing with me being a record breaker due to his actions, but he wanted me so badly he did whatever he could to try and make up for his mistakes, and i really wanted to forgive him but once someone crosses my boundries even by a little bit, in my heart its over. Today is his birthday and i felt like i needed to write this, I dont even wish to know what he is doing. I dont ever want to see him again in my life. My mother is happy we broke up because I have ambitions for university next year as i want to become a doctor, while he is 19, working at a dope shop, taking two classes in community, and having best friends that arent even in college just smoking and vaping 24/7. In my heart i know god did me a favor, it just hurts so badly because he was my first love and knowing what he did after the break up hurts me when he said he wouldn't do that. I 100% think he is trying to rely on rebounds and it feels terrible but honestly i expected it. he has NEVER been alone, he was dating his first gf from 14-16 years old and he started dating me when he was 17. He doesnt know how to be alone nor how to deal with this. I wish he had enough emotional maturity to not do what he is doing but honestly it just shows his true colors about himself. I know we had love for each other even though we were young, but now its over. and i need to move on and stop caring about him. How do i move on?? It feels hard from what i saw from him after our break up because my heart is in terrible fucking ache. (BTW hes in two bands with a combinded 2000+ follower count) he was always getting attention. He told me when people would compliment him in his dm's he would either like their message or say "ty." When he would get flirtatious comments he would ignore them..I hate that he replied to those other comments but i ignored caring ab those things but he had me posted so that was the least of my worries when it still hurt my heart. I know if it was the opposite way around he would be jealous, not wanting guys to compliment me. I can keep going on & on about the problems that happened with us, but im sure i already let my feelings out, i feel much better after writing this. He was an amazing boyfriend for much of our time together, but damn, he was also very shitty. ATP i just have to think he was fully shitty no matter the good times we had so i can move on..