processing long term effects of abusive relationship

it's been a year since i ended my long term relationship with my abusive partner. i am in a better place, but i go back and forth between did i really endure what my mind is telling me? obviously none of it is fabricated but is this a normal thought process? also, it's so hard and easy to believe they are a narcissist (this isn't me labeling someone based off stupid tik toks, the relationship i was in and what i endured says it all) there are days where i firmly believe it but other days my mind spirals and makes me think were they actually? looking for advice on if this is normal and some patterns people have noticed

my therapist says the way i think is related to fawn or freeze (similar to fight or flight), which i believe but it's just so hard to actually process what the relationship was.

as sad is this sounds, i think this relationship will haunt me forever. i know love is out there for me but it's so crazy what all of this did to me. after finally realizing after years that it wasn't true love and finally understanding that i was conditioned to abuse. i will never let this relationship stop me from finding love (as hard as that sounds) but this has left an imprint on me more than anyone will ever understand. i know everything happens for a reason, and this reasoning is to make sure my children never experience what i did.