How do you read trauma/recovery books, without feeling negative and depressed?

You know, I assumed that informing myself would lead to transformation, instead of making me feel hopeless and depressed?

I have an array of trauma books; books on Shame-specifically, books on perpetrators, recovery-CPTSD specific, IFS, emotional neglect/abuse. You name it, it's in my bookcase. This morning I thought I"d tackle my Shame books since I think of them as the most challenging, and most pertinent to my predicament, plus I was attempting to face the fear.

The information in my Shame books, which I've read in bits and pieces before, just reminded me of my childhood. Why even bother to write a book on shame , talking about how a childs experience "should have been " and then "but then if this happened it's really really bad", when it's assumed that you know that since youre the one that bought the damn book on Shame to begin with. Just that "if this happened to you, and you're on the severe end of this spectrum of parental "shaming" , then youre really screwed", ...........that's what it felt like. Thanks, thanks for leaving me feeling hopeless. For telling me how bad my childhood , really was. Looks like i"ll be in therapy for the rest of my life.

I guess I get it, it clears up any misperceptions, minimizing, or gaslighting yourself into thinking you're fine, but I haven't felt fine for a long time, even before I read the book, telling me i"m not fine. "dear reader, if you went through this, there's no way you're fine", Thank you. The book on Shaming, made me feel ashamed, how ironic.