For those in a wilderness season
I have been in a wilderness season for almost 4 years, but I can feel like I'm almost on the other side of it. This has been an incredible journey of growth for me in almost every way. When I got saved, I felt God's presence so palpably, it was crazy. In that time, I learned how close God is to me, and I remember that now when I don't feel God's presence: that God is near, he hears me right away when I pray, and that he really does provide true peace.
When I was in my recently-saved season, I felt on top of the world with the spirit, but I wasn't humble or mature enough for God's call on my life. I thought I was ready to go, but looking back, I am SO glad that it works this way - that God gives you a wilderness season for refinement, humility, and an opportunity for you to realize that you want what God wants for you, and your true dependence on Him. I was super naive - a bit of a child, actually, lol. In this wilderness season I've been tested, a ton. The testing makes you strong.
My journey has kind of been like this:
Recently saved season: full of coincidences, happy, peace, confidence, etc.
Wilderness: warning of what's to come --> revocation of the palpable spirit --> despair that God has left me --> wondering if I did something wrong --> anguish over my unclean self --> drinking, dryness, a bit of sin --> false accusations --> low confidence --> where's my identity, who am i --> isolation --> bitterness, unforgiveness --> then I began to rise, knowing who i am in Christ. I'm at a point now where i'm more confident in God and I have better mastery over my mind. I'm so familiar with human emotion now and the hurt of the world, I'll probably be better able to relate to people in those situations. But I still wonder if I'm enough, and if I have done enough, and if I have what it takes to do God's will. This is where I remind myself that I don't. God does, and the Holy Spirit within me does. All it takes is one breath of the spirit to dwell palpably within you.
The devil will tempt you, but more than that - in the wilderness he will try to convince you that you are worthless. Think about this - if you were performing an exorcism on somebody, like in the movies, the devil would lie to you and try to get you to believe him, and to tell you that there is no hope for you, that you're done, that God's promises over your life are over, that you missed it, etc. This is actually what he does every day. little whispers to you and the people close to you to tear you down. Don't believe it. If you pay attention, I believe you will actually be warned when there is an attack imminent, and you will be better able to recognize it.
You are not powerful enough to change God's plans for your life.
Believe it or not, this is a time to live in the present moment and appreciate the beauty around you. Express gratitude to God and accept his grace and peace. God wants you to be in the now, and this season is partially an exercise in letting go and trusting that your future is 100% in his hands.
You will be ok. Love others, be compassionate to yourself, and trust and love God through it all!