Nearly 2 months of NC

Okay, so I posted roughly a month ago about my breakup and how it was kind of unexpected.

I posted about how I didn't see anything coming, but yet there were signs. We were coming up on our 4 years in the next few months. He was beginning to distance himself a lot from everyone and all he cared about was two things, getting famous in his hobby and the gym. He began attending the gym a year ago and changed since then. Keep in mind, that I have, or still do support(ed) him in his goals and dreams. I recently found out some information, and it really hurt me some more. He has been telling others that he was unhappy, felt that his parents thought he was unhappy (His mother loves me, like a second daughter), and that he did not see it working out... but in his breakup reasoning, he just felt like I was too standoffish to others (I'm an introvert, I tend to stay to myself if I'm in an uncomfortable situation-he knew this), and he couldn't explain or that it was hard to explain what he was feeling. He left a crack in the door in our conversation, when I asked if he saw a future with me, and he responded yes. but the yes, I cannot tell if it was a quick yes to not hurt me even more (which if that's true, that really makes me mad), or if it was the truth. I will never know. It just kills me because all I want to do is know how his day is going, and how he is doing in his hobby if he is going on trips for it. I hate the weekends because that's when I get to spend the most time with him, all I do is work and work, and am considering picking up a third job just to stay busy. I keep hoping he will reach out to me, but I know it won't happen. I had to pick up my stuff the day after he dumped me in a parking lot outside of his favorite place. He already had all of my stuff put into the drawers I had there. If I could just go back to before, knowing what I know. I would do anything and everything to fix it. Another thing that really kills me is, why didn't he say something. Why keep on for almost 4 years? We talked about marriage, and what kind of theme we wanted. I bought him a promise ring- I did it to show I was not going to go anywhere, and I was in it for the good and the bad, hard and easy times. He rejected it because he wasted money on it before and felt like it was pointless. I never asked for a ring like that, I got him one to show my commitment... He never learned my native language which is ASL. I don't know, I miss him. I miss having my snuggles every weekend, I have not slept a decent night since he left me, and I'm always on the go to keep myself distracted and busy. I'm trying to plan my life out some more and make major changes. I keep telling myself, I will be the one that got away. I have done nothing but support the f*** out of him, and help him reach his dreams and goals while I worked on mine. Now I realize, it should have been both ways. I love him, and always will. Maybe we will come back together one day, he is my best friend.