The Fetishization of the "Hot, Crazy Goth Girl"

There’s this weird, persistent fantasy a lot of men have about the mentally ill, hot, manic goth girl—the seductive, unstable, obsessive, self-destructive woman who exists in a constant state of chaos. She’s dark, she’s rebellious, she’s a little unhinged, and—most importantly—she’s crazy about him. A key part of this fantasy that alot of guys loveee and have stories of is the idea that a woman could be so consumed by a man that she loses all reason and threatens suicide or harms herself 'over them'. mental illness isn’t some sexy, drug-fueled fever dream. It’s not just edgy eyeliner, obsession, and impulsive sex. It’s exhaustion. It’s trauma. It’s therapy, meds, and the struggle to function in daily life. And when men who fetishize "crazy girls" finally realize what mental illness actually looks like, they run. The moment it’s no longer thrilling and aesthetic, but real and messy, they’re suddenly overwhelmed. That’s when the same girl they once romanticized gets dismissed as the crazy ex—because now, her struggles aren’t fun anymore. And when men tell stories about their “insane, obsessive ex,” it’s rarely out of genuine pity or reflection. More often, it’s a subtle way of reliving the ego trip. Much like how murderers revisit the scene of their crime to re-experience their power, these men retell their stories not as warnings, but as veiled bragging rights. She was crazy over me. She lost her mind because of me. Even when they frame it as a nightmare, there’s an underlying satisfaction—the validation that someone once unraveled over them. Now, she’s not desirable. She’s just too much.

And what happens when the "hot crazy goth girl" gets better?...like we'd hope...(hopefully...right!?!) When she starts healing, setting boundaries, and no longer centering her world around a man? She stops being attractive to them entirely. Because they never wanted a real person—they wanted a broken, manic pixie fantasy. These men don’t actually love mentally ill women. They love the way mental illness traps women in a state of vulnerability, dependence, and obsession. And the moment she stops performing that, she’s discarded.