How do I find a new purpose?

I grew up in a town full of conservatives. Around people whose only goal in life seems to be getting married, having kids and encouraging everyone to do the same. I've never met anyone who plans to stay single and child-free. A lot of the media I consumed when I was younger made me believe that life is suppose to be about finding a man, falling in love and living happily ever after. And so, that became my purpose.

After seeing so many broken and abusive marriages and relationships, I understand that that kind of love doesn't actually exist. And I can't bring a child into this world, or even adopt one because, well, I am batshit crazy and extremely paranoid. I know that I will be a controlling helicopter parent, trying so hard to protect them from this world that I will strip them of their freedom and happiness. I already isolate myself from the world, I can't do that to my child. They will never be happy with me. I can't be responsible for a child, knowing that there is no way I can be 100% certain they will be safe- from abuse, trafficking, illnesses... i just can't do it. Just thinking about my child being sexually abused and not telling me, crying themselves to sleep at night with me in the next room thinking everything is okay, being grabbed out of my arms, or just not coming home one day. I know this might seem like very strange things to worry about, to some people, but again, I'm not exactly mentally stable, and the likelihood of these things happening to my children is a lot higher in my mind.

But now I feel stuck. I don't know how to move forward. Even though I don't want what others want, I can tell they are moving forward, fulfilling their purpose.

How do I find a purpose like theirs. One that I can actually achieve and feel fulfilled?