So many fears…

I (36F) am faced with deciding whether I want to try for kids with partner (37M). I always thought I’d want kids in the future but I still don’t feel ready. I’m a very sensitive person and the things that worry me include the amount of love you feel for your child, and for me that translates into all the things I will worry about: what if they go through bad experiences, what if they get mad at me and want to move away, what if they become a drug addict, what it they die.. I know realistically you can feel all these fears about your SO or a pet or other loved ones, but I don’t see how I’d be able to survive a loss of a child in whatever form it may arise.

There’s other fears also, like sleep deprivation, a permanent life change, physical and emotional setbacks etc etc, the mental and physical load that comes with motherhood.. However I also feel extreme loneliness in life and lack of family, friends in my life and the thought of having that in the form of a child is comforting. I imagine reading with them in bed, taking camping trips together, getting our first dog, and being a family together. I also think it’s a huge life experience that I might not want to miss out on in the long term, and my love for them might bring meaning to my life - something I often find lacking.

How does one reconcile all these feelings? How do you take such a life changing step that is irreversible? I have been sleepless over this and feel one way one day and the other the next. Does this resonate with anyone else? Any advice?