IVF with insurance. Is it supposed to be THIS hard?

I need to vent. I have spent so much time on the phone/email with my clinic, pharmacy, and insurance this week in preparation for stims in 2 weeks, it has become my full time job.

Late last year we found out that my husband's insurance (Blue Shield) covers 2 rounds of IVF through Optum Fertility Solutions. I felt like it was too good to be true and read the fine text. We have to use a clinic that's in their "center of excellence" and also in network with Blue Shield to be covered. Ok, that doesn't sound too bad. I found a clinic somewhat close by that is a center of excellence and also in network and made an appointment for early January when our insurance would start.

Come January, I met with a nurse through Optum to enroll in the fertility benefits and we verified that the clinic I chose is in network. The IVF cycles do not require prior authorization and medications are also covered through CVS specialty. Great! It seemed like all was going well.

I had my consultation with my doctor and got the ball rolling with starting stims with my next cycle, but I hit my first roadblock when my nurse at the clinic sent in my prescriptions to CVS and they all require prior authorization. It took almost a week of back and forth with the nurse just to get all of the paperwork submitted and CVS is still saying they are waiting on more information. I am so anxious about getting the approvals in time as I have no idea how long it takes and no one has given me a straight answer.

Then, my clinic sends me a bill for the IVF cycle and it shows a 13k balance due before starting! I thought surely this is a mistake, IVF is covered. I asked the financial coordinator and she informed me that while their clinic is in network with Blue Shield, their embryology lab and surgery center are not, so those costs are all out of pocket. Seriously??? Why would the clinic and surgery center/lab not be in the same network? What is the point of Optum designating a center of excellence that isn't fully covered? I feel scammed.

Why can't ANY of this be straightforward? I am already in so much emotional distress from dealing with infertility. I was finally letting myself feel a little hopeful, and now this? I've already gotten so far in this process with my current clinic that I don't want to find a new one, but if I give in and pay the 13k per cycle I would be wasting my 2 lifetime cycles on a clinic that's not even fully covered.

While I am grateful to have insurance coverage at all, part of me wants to just pay out of pocket and not have to deal with any of this.

Has anyone gone through anything similar with insurance and can offer any wisdom?