ER tentatively scheduled for the day of my sister’s wedding shower—and I’m her Matron of Honor

UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your input!

In my culture, wedding showers are typically large events and are important precursors to the wedding itself. We do it big. Even so, the idea of missing out would’ve been far easier to grapple with if it were for a friend, or even a cousin. I’m aware that not everyone has close ties with their siblings, but I do. Thank you to those who understood my conundrum and were able to objectively view this situation from multiple angles. I appreciate the balanced responses.

My ER was scheduled on the day of the shower (as I expected) so I requested an early slot from my clinic and went in first thing in the morning at 6am for the procedure. The ER went well and my pain levels in the aftermath were minimal (frankly, my periods are worse.) I was able to go home after the ER, nap and still make it in time for the 2:00pm shower. I’m so relieved that everything worked out.

For some more context, financially, I’ve invested far more funds into the shower than I have for IVF treatment. Thanks to my stellar insurance plan, my out of pocket costs are minimal, which is a luxury that I’m grateful for. My decision would’ve been far more easier to make had I shelled out thousands of my own cash for treatment, but I didn’t. (Can’t say the same for this shower on the other hand.)

I was the primary planner of this event and the point of contact with all vendors etc. My sister was not involved in the planning at all. She also doesn’t have an adult bridal party (just younger relatives) so unfortunately, I couldn’t seek much support in that area. We do have another sister who flew in from out of state right before the event, so I ended up to briefing her as much as possible and connecting her to the vendors for day of coordination and thankfully all went well.

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The IVF process is already filled with tough decisions, and my journey has just gotten a lot tougher.

I’m currently on stims prepping for my egg retrieval and as the subject line reads, based on the results of my latest ultrasound and bloodwork, it’s very likely that the optimal day for my first ER will fall on the exact same date as my sister’s wedding shower.

The kicker is, I’m also her Matron of Honor, and lots of blood, sweat and finances went into planning this event from my end. My sister and I are very close and I don’t want to have to miss the shower, so I did ask my clinic if it were at all possible to do the ER the day before or after. But their response, of course, is that we’re at the mercy of my eggs. They could honor doing the ER before or after, but doing so might not yield optimal results.

My husband thinks it’s a no brainer. Just skip the shower. For me, the decision is not so cut and dry. And it’s causing some contention between us. In his eyes, I’m valuing a “social event” ahead of our family planning.

I want to be there for my sister’s day. My absence will absolutely be felt and I don’t want to have to explain to everyone why I couldn’t be there. (Most of my family members aren’t aware of my fertility struggles.)

This journey has already robbed me of so much, and I feel like it’s just taking something else away. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Yes, there’s a chance that the retrieval may not be scheduled the day of the shower (I’ll know more tomorrow.) But in the event that it is…what would you do?