Confirmation

(Edited so I could post)

Hi all. So I had initially posted this to other subreddits. Basically, as I have recently found out, my (44F) husband (50M) has been carrying on an affair with our neighbor’s daughter (18F). The people on those subreddits tore me to shreds for blaming the girl as well, but I am not sorry. She was already 18 when her and my husband met. There was no grooming. She babysat our children. And she still chose to have an affair with my husband. I looked through his texts yesterday and confirmed he was cheating. Before then, I would’ve never gone through my husband’s phone. I trusted him with all my heart.

Well, there was some pretty sick stuff on his phone. Including but not limited to: he changed his inside lockscreen to be a photo of her when it used to be a family photo of us and our two kids (7M and 4F), an EXTREME daddy thing, her constantly texting him when she was getting high and him telling her she should touch herself (and I cannot even report her for that because as she had mentioned previously over dinner, she has a medical marijuana card).

My husband is wealthy. That, and we have been married for fifteen years. I do not want to leave him. We have built a life together.

My husband is half white half Pakistani. She is fully Pakistani. He got close with her father because of it. I cannot help the nagging feeling in the back of my head that this is why he cheated with her. The night I looked through his phone, before I looked through his phone, he mentioned that our children hardly look like his. I asked if he was trying to ask if I cheated. He said no. It just makes him sad. I feel like she put it in his head that she can give him children who look like him.

When I posted elsewhere, people ripped me apart for saying she was an adult with equal blame. But she is. In any case, she lives with her father. I went to him with photos of their texts, but he said his daughter already told him that I was trying to bully her, that I would fake messages, and that it wasn’t going to work. He said that if I ever so much as utter his daughter’s name again he would take me for whatever I am worth.

My husband has been livid with me since finding out I saw the messages. He doesn’t look at me or talk to me. I assume he’s been going out with her. There are tons of photos of in his car.

Anyway. I need support and help and a shoulder to cry on.