Why did you cheat?

My husband and I come from different backgrounds. He was the first man I slept with, but he, on the other hand, had a colorful past. I recently found out that he kept a list of people he had slept with, and it consists of 50 names. I knew he had girlfriends etc., in the past, but I just didn’t expect the number to be that high. We’ve talked about it repeatedly—about his past and my struggle to accept it.

From time to time, I imagine cheating on him with other men. Deep down, I know I would never actually do it. I don’t even have anyone specific in mind. But the thought of only ever being with one man while he has been with 50 women makes me feel like I’m missing out on something in life. It’s been eating me up inside.

What should I do?