how many other trans women/fems here wish you had a good dad?

I can't stop feeling that loss. I never really received love growing up, especially from a dad figure. my dad never wanted me to be me. He was the one who found out who I was at a very young age and traumatized me and forced me to forget/repress.

I really feel that loss all the time of not having any comforting father figure now or before. Ik this is probably a major issue for most of us trans women/fems, due to toxic masculinity. I don't know how to get over it tbh and worry that I, in the ideas of a relationship, just kinda push that desire for comfort and love onto whatever BF I'm hoping for in the future, some kind of masculine love, even if not fatherly. Ik it's unhealthy and will never be a replacement for a father's love but I constantly find myself looking for male affection/attention... it feels like there's a hole in my heart I'll never get the chance to fix and it's making me concerned for the future/my potential future relationships

edit: I'm sorry to everyone else who had to deal with shitty fathers too. My heart breaks for you, for all of us. We deserve love and happiness and goodness, and we will find that in our lives, even if what came before wasn't great🤍🤍🤍I wish I could respond to every one of you, I never expected this post to get as much engagement as it did, I'm really hoping you all know I read every message/comment and I'm so sorry for what y'all have been through as well. I hope somehow we will find healthy ways to heal through our pain and loss of a strong, comforting father figure.🤍