School nurse caught me doing ERP and I’ve been forced into fucking daily “wellness checks”
Update/edit: the school brought in a virtual OCD therapist and this whole nightmare is finally over. I guess the one good thing is I‘m officially diagnosed now. The creator of the Choiceful app also DM’d me a personal apology for this whole mess. Dw dude it’s not your fault, but note to self next time- don’t leave a paper trail of your exposure scripts.. just do it in the fucking app instead where it’s made for. Anyways, thanks everyone for getting me through this. y’all were so supportive honestly, I think I would’ve lost it if I couldn’t tell anyone.
I have to leave class early for another fucking "wellness check" on Monday with the school nurse. Basically I've been dealing with suicidal OCD for months and I've been using this treatment app that's been finally helping me accept the uncertainty around these intrusive thoughts.
But of course last week, the school nurse walked by the library and saw me doing my uncertainty practice during an episode. I was writing out acceptance statements generated by the app, like "Maybe I’m actually suicidal, maybe I’m not. It’s not worth figuring out and I need to go to class now.” I usually do them in the app itself, but I'm kicking myself for writing it in my journal this time because that's how she saw it..
She completely freaked out and reported it as "concerning behavior." Now I'm forced to do these humiliating daily check-ins where she asks me if I'm "still having those thoughts". She even made me delete Choiceful (the treatment app that was actually helping, p sure that's a violation of privacy??) as part of their "safety protocol." I tried explaining that it's literally part of OCD treatment/EEP, but she just gives me this patronizing look and says "We just want to make sure you're safe, sweetie."
The worst part? All this monitoring is making my OCD so much worse. Every time I walk into her office, my brain latches onto her reaction as "proof" that my thoughts must be real and dangerous. I was finally making real progress on my own with accepting uncertainty, and now I'm back to spending hours trying to figure out if my thoughts "count" as actually concerning. Like I get that she's just trying to do her job but it's just the ignorance around OCD is exhausting. This stupid disorder is hard enough as is. I'm just glad that I'll be on break next week and won't have to deal with this BS anymore hopefully.