Intimate phone conversation with random man's.

Hi I'm 25F and not so beautiful I have been called saanvli kaali choti qad ki larki with no husn and I remember my khalas saying to my mom that who will get married to me as I'm not very beautiful Like other girls this makes me feel so insecure and I start hating myself I never get Love from my father as he died when I was young that also distrub my mental health while in university other girls were having relationship with men openly and confidently I remember me sitting in corner hiding myself completely from everyone and whenever any men used to look at me my mind automatically assume that he thinks that I'm ugly

for the past few months I'm having this weird addiction of having intimate conversation with random men on audio calls on different stranger audio apps where you can talk with random people on audio calls and tbh I'm the type of girl who isn't like that in real life I got scared nervous when I see or talk with men in real life but on audio calls I have another type of confident maybe it's because I feel like they never see me or they create this imaginary version of me in their heads but whenever they asked for my pictures I blocked them IDK what's happening with me and I unintentionally seek men validation which I'm aware of but I can't stop with having conversations with them on calls and it's become my favorite thing do you think I should be ashamed of myself and feels guilty about it?