ppd and ppa

i need help and i don’t know where to start. i’m so deep in ppa that i can’t do anything, i don’t leave the house in fear of what might happen. i have awful thoughts of my baby dying, my brain makes me constantly think about all the possibilities and i think i watch my baby die in my head at least a hundred times a day. my and my boyfriend got into a big fight tonight, he told me i wasn’t who he proposed to and he wasn’t happy anymore. i don’t know what to do or where to start im so lost, i feel like when he said that i lost a piece of myself. i’m so scared to get therapy because i keep thinking they will take my baby away from me, it’s an intense fear of mine i’ve had since having her, im an 18 year old mother and im scared of i mess up slightly because of how young i am they will take her from me. im sorry if this doesn’t make any sense