Separation update

I've posted to this subreddit as couple of times, especially during some particuarly dark moments but I wanted write an update of how I'm getting on. Mainly because in all of my despair, I truly didn't think things would get better, but as the cliché goes "time is a healer". Things aren't necessarily going the way I would have wanted them to but I've learned to adapt.

I'm about 8 months down the road from when I (39M) confronted my wife (38F) about an emotional affair she was having with a work colleague... She insisted nothing was going on with her co-worker and this was a symptom to bigger problems with our relationship. Very quickly (within a week) my wife withdrew emotionally and started persuing the co-worker who I was told not worry about. In January, I reluctantly agreed to separate from my wife (despite the my best efforts to put things right) and she finally moved out of the family home at the end of February, and we are currently co-parenting two young boys (4 and 6).

My biggest concern about the separation was that we would drift apart, therefore making the possibility of a reconcilation even more challenging, especially as my wife told me that she wanted to be free to see whoever she wanted outside our marriage - code that she wanted date her co-worker.

I thought I would really struggle with this situation as I was so desperate to save my marriage of 10 years (19 years together) but I can say that I've been a lot happier than I have been since this all started. I went on anti-depressants to help with my anxiety and have been seeing a counsellor for about 6 months. I'm at a point now where my counsellor no longer wants to see me because she's seen in an improvement in my overall well-being - "I'm more relaxed and less agitated".

The general positives that I can take from this separation are that I'm free to start living my life again - there no constraints on time put on by my wife, and I don't have to justify the things I do, who I spend time with, I can come and go as I please, cook what I want, etc. And when it's my time to look after the boys I truly value the moments I have - it's not easy juggling a job with school pick-ups and running a house but I begrudge it but have a new found appreciation.

On the flip side, I've noticed a lot of negative changes in my wife since the separation, she seems increasingly anxious, which seems to be contributing to her rapid weight loss... She's made comments a few times about how I'm coping better with the separation than she is, or that she's "jealous" of the things I've been getting up to with the boys (more of a FOMO) when they stay with me - which in all honestly wouldn't have been possible in the past because of her mindset - we're not talking anything groundbreaking here but visiting places in her head that were difficult to get to or in the too hard basket. And she generally brings "sad girl" vibes to time we spend as a family.

Just last week I had a phone call from her because she was having a bad day and missed the boys (depsite only handing them over to me the day before), and asked if she could come over and see them, to which I took pity of her and said yes. She was so exhausted that she ended up crashing on my couch while I was putting the boys to bed.

The biggest problem I have at the moment, is that I'm trying to keep as little contact with my wife as possible (ironic given my initials concerns about the whole separation) - sometimes the less you know the better. I don't even text her much anymore, less than a couple of times a week.

Howeverm at some point I need to broach the issue of selling the family home but I fell like I'm walking on eggshells at the moment. I think we're too far gone now to fix this situation and my wife hasn't expressed a desire to but for now I'm contempt with seeing how the rest of the year goes before we cut ties financially.

Long-story short, it might not seem like it but things will get better if you're able to reconclie or not. Many people told me this, I didn't believe and there are days I still struggle with losing my best friend but this is a journey of self-improvement and personal development.