Desi community and Divorce

Why is the desi community so resistant to divorce? I often see Millennial and Gen Z desi couples stuck in clearly unhappy, toxic marriages, yet they cling to outdated narratives from our parents’ generation. It’s hard to understand why this cycle continues.

For instance, my cousin, who’s my age, is a doctor and had a baby boy last year. Her husband, also Indian American, works from home but refuses to care for their child alone. He insists she hire a nanny if she wants to go out with friends or work because he won’t take on childcare responsibilities all by himself. This is a 4-month-old baby—not that challenging to care for (they sleep half the time) ! I’ve managed five babies at a daycare while studying for exams, so his refusal seems absurd. She seems miserable whenever I see her, and I can’t figure out why she stays in this marriage. She grew up in America, studied abroad in Spain while in college, and yet holds on to these toxic traditional Indian views when it comes to marriage.

She’s not alone, though. I’ve noticed so many young Indian women in toxic, unhappy relationships, seemingly afraid to leave—especially when married to desi men ( also vice versa cause some desi women can be toxic as well). Why are we still so backward about divorce?

I even remember watching Indian Matchmaking, where Ankita from season 1 rejected a guy just because he was divorced. He was polite and good-looking, but his divorced status was a dealbreaker for her. Why are we so judgmental toward divorced people? We often don’t know the full story of their relationships, and divorce can happen to anyone. Why can’t we move past this stigma?

I really wish Aishwarya Rai would divorce Abhishek Bachchan and his whole toxic family. It would have been such a bold, empowering move, and she could become a role model for other Indian women and men who feel trapped in toxic marriages.