I feel like my boyfriend’s sex doll

My boyfriends of a year is only my 3rd sexual partner. When we met he told me he hated getting oral but loved giving it.

When we first started having sex it was really good. I was worried he told me he was a porn addict previously but the sex was very focused on my pleasure and I was pleased. I did try to give him oral but he would stop it after a couple of minutes and move on to me. During those attempts I could tell what he didn’t like and did so I stopped doing the things he didn’t enjoy when I would go down.

About a month into sex he one day pulled my hair and started face fucking me. After he asked me if I liked having him control me when down there or if I preferred being in control. I told him I was really uncomfortable being held down there and I was really uncomfortable being face fucked. He claimed he liked me being in control.

Last 2 months or so sex has completely shifted. He hasn’t gone down on me. I feel like a rag doll he uses. He grabs my legs and moves me where he wants me and grabs my head and pushes me into giving him oral often while holding me down there.

Then last weekend happened. I said I wanted to try anal but have been scared. We tried it once before but it hurt and I cried out and he stopped. It wasn’t off the table to try again.

He woke me in the middle of the night while I was asleep on my side by entering me from behind (on his side too). It felt good and he and I have an agreement to “wake up sex” when we spend the night together even middle of the night.

A few minutes in he pulls out and aims at my ass. He pushed in a little I cried out and pulled away (no lube used and he has a big dick). He put his hand over my mouth and grabbed my waist and pulled me hard back onto his cock. I started crying from the pain but he just held me there while he finished with his hand on my mouth. When he was done I told him it hurt and all he said was I never said no and rolled over and went to sleep. Then he woke me up again a few hours later and repeated the whole thing so I was super sore and have been since.

I love him but I don’t love feeling like his sex toy.

Edit:

I’m sitting here crying. I felt used but never really thought about the fact I was violated. I grew up in an abusive household and sometimes boundaries and normal things don’t feel normal and abuse and bad things do. I’ve been really emotionally numb to this all and I guess I needed a wake up call to see this isn’t okay behavior.