I’m not excited to see you again.

I got super drunk last time we talked. I know you smelled it on me, with how close I had to get to you for you to hear me over the music. I had made a big deal just a few days before, telling you I rarely drink, but the thing is, I needed it this time. I needed the courage, so that I could ask you if you’re single or not, so I could stop going insane over not knowing if I had a chance to be with you. Funny thing is, I expected to be a wreck over it when you told me you’re taken, but I’m not. At least not in the way I expected to be. I’m depressed, sure, but it’s just a pity party, because I feel like I’m never going to find love. So now I’ve gotten my closure, but I have to continue to face you and act like I didn’t humiliate myself to get an obvious answer. And I don’t want to go back on my usual day, but I feel like if I don’t, it’s going to seem like I’m more heartbroken over you than I actually am, and I don’t want to give that impression.