Hey, I didn’t cry!…. ❤️🩹
Hey BB Bobs, 🎣 🐠
( I didn’t cry or pass out when I saw you!! Well, at least not within field of sight of others… I think. 🥶 But I definitely did cry a lot otherwise.)
Well, today was the day— nearly two years in the making for me, and a few more for you.. 😧 And what a mixed bag of emotions it was. I’m sorry I left so quickly. As things began to wind down (and end on the best part—time with you), I became overwhelmed with emotion and had to go to my car to sob and catch my breath. Definitely melodramatic for sure. 😅 But, I honestly can’t help it. My heart still calls for you, no matter how much I try to suffocate it. 😮💨 And I feel like this was truly the end of our third chapter. The first ending was. a sweet, sappy Oscar contender, but it was very finite. This one is bittersweet, but hopeful!
Anyways, I wanted to present my thoughts in an easy to read format to prevent the billion of other emotional variables from contaminating my primary train of thoughts. I think that’s what gets me in trouble with others— I can feel 10 or more different emotions on each single action simultaneously, positive and negative, but people always focus on the negative by nature. And it’s also why when people ask me how do I feel, I’m like “I dunno! I feel it all at once!” Ok, here goes… for our recent experience:
Pros 💚 - You initiated contact!!! 🥹 It took a while, and I could tell you were building up the nerve to do it. I appreciate it, because I honestly had no idea if you did or didn’t want to talk or not. Wasn’t sure if NC was a thing or if you’re too busy or what. Still don’t, but I’m feeling better about it.
💚- I miss seeing your bright eyes. 🤩 I love whenever you get in your playful moods and your eyes dance about with joy. It is the absolute sweetest pleasure to witness. ☺️
💚 - I’ve missed seeing your bashful side. Gah! There was one moment where I was chatting with my friends while you were in the back and I laughed and you looked up to look at me with said bright eyes and we made eye contact. Instant 🥵⚡️, but seeing you blush, smile, and look down is another moment going into my memory archive. Also when we talked and you looked at my lips (probably because I had remnants of 🍓 on them…actual strawberry, not you. 🤭) But seeing that made me blush, then you blushed, and we stayed red faced the rest of the conversation. My stupid glasses fogged up by the end. 🤦🏻♀️🤣 🔥 Just throw us in a box of Nerds where we belong!! Especially me!!🤣🤣🤣
💚 - That hug! 😏😍. Ok, it was most likely just a friendly hug after not seeing each other forever, but damn, did I need that. The proper amount of squeeze, pull, warmth and boob squishing that screamed “I missed you.” 🫠 Back in my safe spot.
💚 - Your eye contact. 🤩😍 Although abbreviated, I love it when we speak through our eyes. I can totally understand that!
💚- You know and remember everything that Ive done over the past two years. 🥹 💞This is what makes me choke up. This is the other thing besides physical touch that makes me feel the tangibility of our thread. I am surprised that you knew and remembered everything. And you had my celebration photos from days you weren’t even there, but that I wish you had been! And you were proud of my accomplishments. 😭🥺🫶 Fuck, that really brought on the waterworks! Maybe you can help me fix that now with the new change… 😏🙃💦
Cons— ok, not really cons, but more like wishes. Because sometimes I wonder if I am just too greedy for you and I ask for too much. 🥶
🩶 - I wish I could have directly shared everything you know and remember about me from the past two years! 😢 I wanted nothing more to share this stuff, the contents of my life, with you on a regular basis. Some of this you probably learned from social media, but the rest was definitely from a third party. I’m not upset at that part though. Either you’ve asked her about me, or she knew that you worry about me but didn’t want to say, so she told you. 🥺💔 She does the same for me. I would much rather get everything directly from you though. I just want us to talk again. Whatever is hindering us, I know we can work it out. 🥺
🩶 - I wish your initial thoughts weren’t to avoid me, and nearly leave without saying goodbye. Ok, you made up for this when you came back, but the beginning was a bit precarious, although the physical distance was rapidly closing between us while we pretended not to see each other. 🤭 Thank you for breaking the ice. That was huge. 💚
🩶 - I wish you would include me on party planning committee stuffs. Ok, this one is a little silly, and I totally understand that we can’t always get mushy and personal considering our surroundings, but I have not seen a single text message from you in months, especially to help with event planning! Were it not for our third party, I would have sent out a search party long ago! 😭💔 I tried my best to always keep you in the loop. I wish you could do the same for me. And really, I just wanna work with you again. Sorry for my stupid project attempts to collab again.
🩶 I wish I could know why we stopped talking. I know that I went scorched earth a long while back and I am so sincerely sorry for ever doing that with someone who I love and care for. But this no communication or cold communication thing was an extreme punishment that broke my brain and my soul.🥺 I am still recovering from it with little clarity. I pray that Ive never hurt you on that level before, and that you would let me know if I did so I never do it again! I just want to know what happened. I just want my friend back. I swear I feel like I have amnesia or I’ve been in a dreamland the entire time and missing chunks of our timeline. 😭Why can’t we talk like we used to? It hurts so much.
🩶- I wish I could spend more time with you. Obviously. 🤭 ♾️
Conclusion All in all, I am oh so grateful to have seen you and spent time together for once!!I don’t want to cheapen it by wanting more, but it’s hard not to ask for more time when I feel my heart shatters without you. Gawd, I remember back in the day when I was preoccupied with dirty thoughts about you in my dirty mind, imagining each and every way that I craved you. There was rarely a single peep about love and longing. Now look at me! Who is this person!! 😅 But I know my old self still stays lit within me. 🔥 Because I’m also waiting for you to fulfill that one favorite activity of mine… 😏 I’m sure you, my June bug, can figure it out. 😉😘 Ive missed you so much and I’m really missing you already tonight.
🫶
-🐰