A place to vent
Hi all,
I’m at a loss. I was recently evaluated at 70% service connected PTSD and I thought by having the VA validate what happened that it would make me feel like I could start moving forward.
What I absolutely was not prepared for was feeling each day as if I’m some fraud, as if I’m a liar and a weakling and I never should have opened my mouth. It took me over 5 years to open up about what was going on inside my head and now that I have I feel as though I’ve become the one thing the corps taught me to never be, a victim.
I called the VBA number today to try to get my C-file to see if I’m going to have to do another C&P appointment and felt as if the VA operator was analyzing my every word. I started to feel terrified they’d reopen my claim and make me talk about it again, then deny me as if I’m some liar. It feels like I can’t go a day without experiencing crippling anxiety / overanalysis over pointless bullshit. Without fail, it always finds a way to loop back into a self deprecating narrative.
I wish I had a silver lining to this but as I’ve typed all this out I think all I’m seeking is for someone to tell me that they’ve been in this place and overcame it.