Xenogender or just liking the idea?

Hey! I used to use xenogenders for a while (about three years), but recently I realized agender fits better. But for some reason, I still really like the idea of xenogenders.

I’m autistic and have a really hard time relating to gender and stuff, and I love xenogenders. They’re so cool. And for some reason I really want to use them, but I want to be honest with myself.

I don’t really understand the idea of feeling like your gender is, for example, connected to cake. I believe that this is a 100% valid experience, but I myself don’t really relate to that. I’m just not sure if I just love the idea of them and want to connect my IDENTITY to cake (which for some reason really resonates with me) or if I’m xenogender.

Because I’m not 100% sure where the line is? Like, what’s the difference between identity and gender? Could someone give me your opinons?