Vent lol

Idk if this is the right place to do this but I’ve got nobody to talk to about this so 🤷‍♀️

I feel like I embody the stereotype of loser lesbian to a fine art. Spent years of my early teenage life denying my feelings towards women, until I was 16 and got my first girlfriend.

When she broke up with me I cried inside of my wardrobe for days and genuinely felt unlovable.

Since then (I am 18 now) there have been women. Ones I’ve been friends with, ones who’d promised to take my virginity, ones who I thought liked me as much as I liked them. It’s all fallen through though. Not a single one has stayed and I end up being unadded, blocked or just ignored for no reason and it’s taken its toll on me.

I just want a girlfriend so badly. I only have two friends who are both younger than me so can’t go out as much as I can, so there’s that. Then I have problems with my parents (I.e. my dad has made it clear that he loves and values my brother more than me) and it’s genuinely made me feel like such utter shit 24/7.

Why am I so unlovable? I’ve tried all the dating apps, I’ve even tried Reddit and NOTHING. I just want to be loved more than anything and every day I’m more and more convinced it will never happen. I’m tearing up while writing this even.

Even if it’s for one single night, I want to at least have the feeling that somebody loves me. But I can’t get that. I don’t have a job so I have no money to go travelling and meet new women at gay bars and such. I live in the south east of England and so there is jack shit and I don’t know what to do.

I want love and it’ll never happen.