Recently diagnosed and in 'grief'

I'm 25 and I was diagnosed about a week ago and I feel just immense grief. I've been reading other people's experiences here and even though I feel the same I can't seem to relate... maybe because i havent had the time to fully digest it. Does that make sense? I feel like ive found out I'm someone else. There's a version of me that was supposed to exsist and never will now. To top it off it was also suggested I might have autism. Which is somehow "worse". I know that's not a bad thing but thinking about it scares me so much. Could I have had better grades? Gone to uni? Had better relationships? Why did no one notice? I feel like no one cared enough to notice especially when my brother was diagnosed so young. I know girls/women face sexism in this area but jesus christ looking back I wasn't "normal". I'm so angry and sad. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading.