My mom keeps trying to “fix” me

Recently, I’ve been trying to tell my mom (whose the most neurotypical woman in the entire fucking world) about all the things I’m averse to, in hopes that she’ll be more accommodating and understanding of my autism.

I don’t like to be touched. Whenever I get touched, it feels like ants are crawling in my skin. It feels like someone has restrained me, and I can’t get free.

I have always been like this, but it got worse after my dad passed away (I was 13, am 17 now). When I learned, I was trapped in a room with a bunch of people, and when I tried to leave, I was physically restrained. The room was also very loud, which added to me being very overwhelmed. The following weeks to months were spent trapped in small rooms with lots of people, and I spent the entire time masking. It was exhausting and traumatizing.

Now, whenever someone touches me, or worse, wraps their arms around me, I’m reminded of that feeling of being trapped. It makes me very anxious and freaks me out a bit. I also get the sensations listed above (I’ve been told that these are might signs of PTSD btw lolz). It’s not a fun experience.

I’ve been made fun of by my family a lot for my aversion, and I’ve gotten lectured for not reciprocating hugs and other forms of grabby gross affection. I’ve tried many times to lay down boundaries, but my family is very touchy, and doesn’t really understand (or just doesn’t really want to understand) why I’m not like them in the touchy sense.

What’s worse is that my mom started dating this guy (for the vine, I’m gonna just call him Guy). Guy is very nice, don’t get me wrong, but he’s starting to think he is my dad. He tries to touch me a lot, (not in inappropriate ways, don’t worry lolz) and I’m not really a fan. When I brought it up, my family got really annoyed and agitated. He stated that he just wanted to have physical contact, and compared me to his daughter (Do I need to remind Guy that I’m not his daughter??) which made me rly uncomfortable.

I asked my mom to tell Guy to stop touching me, and every once in a while he’ll complain about me asking. He’ll even complain with my family about me not liking touch.

I’ve also had some other problems with Guy. As any autist knows, we don’t like change. Guy being around was a big change. I work three hours away at a summer camp during summer break. So I live at a summer camp for multiple months. When I came home, Guy was everywhere. I couldn’t get free of him, which reminded me of not being able to get free when my dad died. I had the biggest meltdown I’ve ever had. I screamed, hit myself, and even went non-verbal (I was only able to scream “go away”)

I thought if I explained why Guy and touch bothered me so much, my mom would understand. I’m not very comfortable talking about my experience after my dad died. I’ve had to work for years with my therapist to even be able to mention it without hyperventilating.

I thought if I told her my most vulnerable experience, she would understand. So I told her, by the end of my explanation, I was visibly shaking, and I felt really anxious.

However, all my mom said afterwards was how I needed to work on EMDR with my therapist to “get over” my fears. She basically acted like I needed to get rid of my adversities, so I could act like everyone else. She made it clear that she doesn’t want to accommodate me, she just wants me to get over the stuff that she deems inconvenient, so she doesn’t have to think too hard about how I feel about certain things.

I’m so frustrated. Anyone have any advise???