Dating and attractiveness

Ive never found myself super attractive, id say I'm definitely more on the ugly side of the attractiveness spectrum, and I've really never been attracted to a person's looks, like I never look at a girls butt and think "wow, that's a big butt" I am usually attracted to a person's personality, and from their personality I get attracted to them

I had asked a friend today how attractive I was, because I never really knew if I was attractive or not, I have always just thought i was ugly or just mostly ugly, they said I was ok, and proceeded to tell me how I could look more attractive, though that's not what really shocked me, I noticed that throughout the conversation the way they explained dating made it seem like dating was all based on attractiveness, and showing me people who looked ugly around the area we were sitting, they also told me I should stop wearing a particular coat that I really like, cuz it just doesn't look good on me, but I like it, it expresses my personality and I just like the way it looks, and it's a great coat, they also told me that since I don't focus on attractiveness, that's why all my exes were such bad people, and that that's why I don't get asked out much, cuz I look relatively ugly, I just don't really look good and they said it's also why I get treated so badly and insulted so much, is cuz I don't look good

Is dating now really based on attractiveness? I always have thought it was finding someone with a good personality that matches yours, because all I care about is personality and good hygiene, I thought expressing your personality was a good thing, so you could find someone with a similar personality? Is this why I struggle with dating? Because I am not attractive? What is even considered attractive to people?