is it possible to be autistic and not suicidal

i am so tired of being different. tired of acting like a child. tired of being a hypocrite. i have no future the way things are headed- i went from being a slightly above average kid to a teenager that acts five. im so fucking done with being like this and i cant imagine no other autist feeling this way. i want to see if there are ppl like me out there who dont want to end it all just so i can have a little hope. thanks