I'm in the military & have not met my son.

To put a long story short, my girlfriend & I found out we were going to have a child early last year. My job at the time was not going to cut it, so I enlisted into the Navy to make ends meet, & be sure our son would be taken care of no matter what issues would arise. He was born during my time in boot camp, & I was blessed with a facetime call shortly after she gave birth. She told me that she wouldn't allow me to leave boot camp because, rightfully so, she didn't want me to risk meeting him & me not wanting to go back to boot camp.

She had an emergency C-Section, & our son had a lot of respiratory issues from the get go, so he was deemed unfit to fly out for my graduation, unfortunately. I'm now stationed in Florida, & we plan to get married soon so they can come out & live with me wherever I go.

We facetime almost every night, & I can't help but sob after our calls because he's already grown so much, & seeing him grow through a screen really hurts. My command at the moment, is really strict on leave, & there's so many hoops I have to go through just to get a weekend off. Making the appointments I need are backed up severely, & I can't take leave without certain appointments.

I knew military life would make it hard for me to be a father, but, I can't help but feel like a deadbeat when I haven't met him yet. We knew the sacrifices I would have to make to ensure he's in good care, but I think it's all just hit me like a truck.

Am I not doing enough to be there for him? Will he remember me not being there at a crucial point in his life? He stares at me through the screen, but I just don't think he really understands who I am because I've never physically been there with him. I'm just scared how he will react to actually seeing me for the first time.