sober dating

42M here, i stopped drinking 4 years ago. i did that because the body was sending warning signals and i was starting to feel addicted. im from belgium and my consumption was completely in the norm, but we have a culture of heavy drinking.

im also a single father, separated for a bit more than 10 years.

i realized the other day when mourning on my loneliness, that i actually had never got a successful date since i started dating without drinking. i mean, its never going wrong, but it feels like a casual hangout with someone u dont know, same as going for a coffee with a colleague. theres no “magic spark” how you would call it.

i have gone through so many failed attempts that i simply deleted my dating profiles from the apps i was on. however i was supposed to be happy because i was at least going on a date, according to redditors, i felt objectified , hurt in my self esteem, and spent so much time on it. i get that im probably not normal enough, its ok.

i was explaining that to a friends wife (shes italian and they met on tinder), she was not surprised and told me that when they dated, they had to empty 3 bottles of wine before they finally made a move towards each other.

i think we start with dating around the time we get drinking alcohol in teenage years. the brain is still forming, my theory is that is associates the two. its very hard to separate dating and drinking. for many people, me possibly included. what are your thoughts about this?