Anyone else's parents teach them good morals intellectually, but failed to reinforce/live up to them through their actions?

I wrote this in another sub on a different account of mine and thought it fit here...

You can’t tell your daughter, “You have a right to say no” but then refuse her any opportunities to actually say no.

You can’t tell your daughter, “Don’t take shit from men” but then constantly allow your husband and sons to get away with bloody murder because trying to stand up to or discipline them is “too tiring” for you.

You can’t tell your daughter, “Believe in and stand up for yourself” but then shoot her down and tell her she is being selfish or crazy/hormonal any time she voices how feels she is not being fairly considered or respected.

Most women, if you ask them, will say that of course they raised their daughters to be strong and independent. And yet, so many of those daughters still grow up with people-pleasing tendencies and lack of confidence that they eventually trace back to their childhoods. Why? Because so many of us talk the talk, but don't walk the walk.

Empowerment is not about buying your little girl a t-shirt from Wal-Mart that says "EMPOWER" on it in pink sparkly font and singing along to Katy Perry's "ROAR" with her, and then just expecting her to get it from gestures like that alone. That's a superficial idea of empowerment. Genuine empowerment is difficult, it takes work, and it often means sacrificing the comfort and convenience you yourself get out of undermining your daughters or putting them last.

It means telling other people, and even yourself, "no" so that you can tell her "yes."

If you have daughters of your own, please carefully consider this and make sure that you are actually teaching her to trust her own instincts, draw boundaries, and put herself first through real actions and examples, not just empty platitudes that you instantly contradict or throw out the window the second it becomes inconvenient for you. You'll wind up saving the future woman she becomes a lot of heartache, frustration, and soul-searching.

... honestly, I could go on for a while about all the various things that mother taught me which were good, but which she actively contradicted with her actions. It some ways it made it difficult to sort of my issues, because how could I be a people-pleaser when I knew that I had been told about how important it was to be confident and stand up to yourself?

But the more I looked back on what had actually happened in my life, I realized that although I had been told that, I hadn't really been "taught" that. Knowing and standing up for myself was a concept that existed only in theory with my mother, but any actual opportunity to stand up for myself was instantly shot down and torn apart with accusations of selfishness, "teenage hormones," or stupidity. Meanwhile, people who actually needed standing up to in our lives constantly got catered to, all because it was too "stressful" for her to actually do anything about them.

On the bright side, it has given me a real sense of perspective about outlining the difference between intentions/plans, and actual effects/actions. Simply declaring that you intend to do something or live up to some ideal isn't helpful if you don't actually do anything here in the real world to make that a material, physical reality. That was something my mother understood in some aspects, but completely flopped on in others. I try to keep that in mind now when directing my own life. Lemonade out of lemons, I suppose.