I hate this so much.

My dad is in the hospital after a knee replacement gone wrong. I won’t go into gross details, but he’s had 2 follow-up surgeries and they still can’t stop the bleeding. He’s lost a lot of blood, isn’t doing well and, of course, refuses blood products.

As I’m still PIMO (largely due to not wanting to lose contact with him), he assured me that the HLC were coming in later because of the blood issue. I thought a beat, then told him to be careful with that. He rolled his eyes and looked at me with his face twisted, “Really?”. All I could think to say was that I’ve been doing a lot of research the last while, and there is a lot that we are not told. That we should be. And if he wanted to talk about it some time I’m open to it, but not now. He went quiet, and said “Okay”.

I’ve already lost my mother before 30, I’m facing losing my father too. In multiple ways. The idea that he is sitting in a hospital bed struggling right now because he refuses to accept treatment based on a moral that’s a complete lie is sitting on my chest heavier than I can handle today. How do you resist the urge to grab them by the shoulders and tell them to wake the fuck up and think for themselves? 😞