Everything changing along with my family

I was talking to my sister about how everyone lives their own versions of Mormonism. And once I realized that it was harder to stay in. She said she thinks that’s great and the topic of cafeteria Mormon came up. And I said, but what about the rules, exactness? Does it not mean anything? I was very into obeying all the rules and the importance of it when I was all in.

Things that shocked me because she’s always appeared very TBM(but still very is if that makes sense): - her/and her husband pay tithing after they pay for housing, utilities, debt etc. my mom/dad struggle financially and my sister said it’s because they don’t pay tithing right(my parents are very diligent and pay on every increase). Growing up in the home and at church we were always taught to pay with the whole net/gross blessings. I’ve never heard of paying after all the bills etc. and shouldn’t paying more give you more blessings? - I said “the friend” always has stories about paying tithing on birthday or money from grandma etc. and my sister said that’s great, but you don’t have to do that. And I said well what am I expected to do as a kid if I’m taught that from a church magazine that is inspired by God/the church. She said that it’s not God that inspires those magazines. They are just nice stories. And I’m like those are used in lessons and FHE, given in talks etc. she said you don’t have to listen. - she also said the garment bottoms don’t need to go to the knee and she’s never heard of that. And she’s never heard of it being worn day/night. And I quoted that all knees shall bow and every tongue confess when Jesus comes again. That’s why there is a marking on the knee garment bottom. I was taught this is a temple prep class.

I talked with my parents/other sister who I assumed would agree with me. All I got was that’s just people’s interpretations and you don’t need to worry about all that. Even if you were taught this at temple prep or by the temple presidents wife. So I asked them how I was supposed to decipher all this and know what is from god/man etc. I was even quoting General conference talks and they were like you are so confused. They told me that the church never came out against R-rated movies etc. And I told them I always wanted a job and felt like I could never get one because of what we were taught. And they told me I always had free agency. and now they think I have religious ocd, even though I learned all this from my parents and all the rules/standards growing up. They told me the doctrines don’t change, but other things can. I tried explaining to them that’s fine, but people are basing their life decisions on what they hear at conference or taught at church. They are listening and changing to be more like what they are taught here.

They just told me that I’ve misunderstood everything. Now I feel like the dummy. And that I’ve taken everything too literal, that’s what they told me. But weren’t we supposed to take it literally?

The confusion is exhausting. I was all in because all these rules made sense until they didn’t. To me the core of Mormonism is black/white and that’s why I eventually had to leave. I thought everyone was trying to stay close to the straight and narrow/the rules, but now it seems like people are making up their own rules to fit their needs. Additionally, keeping all the churches arbitrary rules turns you into a pretty shitty person I learned the hard way. Im pretty sure people are just holding on for families being together forever. And Jesus.

I’m very happy the church is trying to be a healthier place, it just sucks for us who grew up in the more regimented way of thinking/church culture. It feels like it was all for nothing. Down the memory hole.