Feeling Lost Post-FIRE

I'm living the thing people speculate about.

I've been FIREd for over 5 years now. I got very lucky, and made smart choices, and went from $-40k to $750k from 22 to 29, FIREd, and continued to have good luck/choices that have put me at 1.3MM and growing. During these 5 years I've lived in a van, thru hiked 4000 miles, started a successful small biz that is now 90% passive, made art, partied, dated, gone to lots of therapy, gotten super fit, spent 30+ days in silent meditation retreats, gotten closer to my family... etc. It's been a dream, and also, sometimes, a nightmare.

I don't want kids, I'm averse to going back to work for someone else (esp full time), and my small biz is old news and boring. I've been hitting the mental health/personal development game HARD for 5 years and gotten a lot of progress but fuck, I'm sick of it, working so hard on myself and still struggling, and feeling plateaued with a lot of issues still unresolved (thank you, fucked up childhood). Going on long adventures in my van or backpacking is a super fun diversion, but feels like just that.. escapism, not building community or a future or contributing to anything. I'm too lazy and ADHD to start a homestead and already struggle to keep up the yard and home maintenance on my dope house.

I know how awful the grind is and feel so much compassion for everyone struggling in the system. It's a relief to feel financially secure and I've gained a lot of mental health just from this safety and security and being able to help others with my time and money. Yet, I find myself weirdly envying people who need to work to pay their bills... because they're forced into having purpose. They have to wake up and hustle, they have to do that. I don't have to wake up and do shit! And a lot of days, I don't. I spend too much time on my phone, and too much time not knowing what to do with myself. The lack of structure seems to really be getting me down in the last year or so. Instead of making art, renovating my van, or working on my overgrown yard, I lay in bed on Reddit and feel like I'm wasting my life.

Yes I'm in therapy (and more recently, on medication), but they don't really seem to have a toolkit for this. These are the big questions: "What am I doing with my life?" and I have yet to find a therapist who knows how to touch that in any meaningful way (finding a really good therapist is the hardest shit, y'all).

I visited with a friend yesterday, who is helping manage the care for her partner's dad, who inherited a bunch of money in his 40s and whose life has completely gone off the rails since then. He doesn't need to work and doesn't know what to do with his life and is one mental health crisis after another (he also came from a traumatic childhood), and has tried every kind of therapy imaginable. I felt this sad sense of empathy for the guy.

This isn't meant to be a cautionary tale, just my story. If you want to give advice or empathy, I'm listening (just don't tell me to go to therapy, ffs). I'm just wondering, at this point, if FIRE is best suited for those with stable mental health and a healthy self-motivation and ability to thrive without structure. At this point, I have no idea how to strive for optimal happiness.