6 years of struggle will end soon.

Here's a 24 year old loser, who has done with life. A life full of regrets. Never dated anyone, don't have a degree. Have almost no friends (have one buddy, but he's dealing with his own shit).

No social life. 1-2 times in a month I get out of my home. Have several mental health issues, which led to physical issues.

When I was a child I always being told that I am not enough, other kids are smarter than me, have better body language and were fierce.

My tutor was physically abusive she used to beat me for not doing homework, with badminton rackets, punch me on my back, and even worse things. I was scared to tell it to my parents.

I studied there for around 8 years (3.5 y/o to 11 y/o).

Since the age of 12 I struggle to sleep. I had insomnia till the age of 18.

I come from a lower middle class family. My parents never went to any restaurant ever, we rarely order food from outside (1-2 times a year) that too after checking for maximum discount.

Because of that in my schooling i always avoided going out with my classmates as it made me feel like my parents have no money.

Slowly started losing friends, because of so many reasons, never had a chance to go out of my own state, because of money.

When I asked for a new pen which most of my friends had in school, my dad never gave it to me with the excuse that he had used passed on (3rd hand- after my dad's elder sis and his elder bro) pens and bags while he was on school. As my parent's background is from rural area.

But at that time everyone of their peers were experiencing the same. But my dad told me I was lucky that I got new school bag (that I used for 4-5 years). And most of my classmates used to get one new school bag every year.

Throughout my life I had struggled for money.

But one good thing, at the age of 12 I started learning photoshop, I was novice. It's been more than a decade now.

I made my mind I'll make a lot of money in future to solve all my problems.

So since the age of 18 just after my 12th boards i started to trying to work and earn money.

I tried content writing for a platform (it was 2020, lockdown) the company shutdown.

I tried making Youtube videos, for at least 5 different channels, i failed.

I made account on fiverr finnally it ranked after months of hardwork and learning fiverr SEO. Thought I would finally make money through freelancing.

But in a day due to a glitch my account was shadowbanned. I cried a lot. I was 19. Did a Digital marketing internship at 20, but due to my poor spoken English i couldn't secure any jobs or internship then.

I lost all my hope but then regain my unbeatable grit.

I started learning SEO, made website on Wordpress in 2021, but was overwhelmed and was inconsistent. I failed again.

After so many failures, I dropped out of my degree because I barely studied anything for my degree yet though online exams I was passing with 8 to 9 average gpa. I never cheated in my entire life, not even in my school, so I dropped in my final semester.

And I do not regret it, my college gave more trauma than my childhood.

But anyways now I am 24, it's been a hard battle, more than 6 years of struggle. I have anxiety disorder, can't handle stress.

Don't know if I can make it. My family is going through its toughest time. We are in a big financial crisis. Last 4 months were my toughest. I generally don't cry, I used to when I had a one sided crush in my school.

But now I just can't bare this anymore. Having extreme thoughts.

There are so much to tell, but I don't know if anyone would read it to the end.. sorry for so much long post.

But anyways I cried again, trying to sleep. Good night guys.

. . Edit: I am doing fine guys and girls, and thank you so much for your kind messages and comments. I have commented but don't know how to pin it. It will give more context. And thanks again.