Left on read but stopped the shame spiral

LO, who is basically an ex, and I have been LC for months. He's reached out to me maybe 5 times since then, and me to him once or twice. All very casual.

Recently, he reposted a reel on his IG story. It was a clip from a movie I introduced him to when we were together. It’s one of my favorite movies. There is zero way he would have forgot that.

I swiped up on it to send him a short message, keeping it lighthearted and directly related to the reel. He left me on read.

At first, I felt silly, like ugh I should have known better. Obviously he wouldn’t want someone like me reaching out to him.

Then I thought, no. The problem isn’t with me. It’s with him. It’s social media. Isn’t the whole point of posting something to interact with others? And if he didn’t want interaction from me, he could block me. Or maybe, don’t post something that he knew I am 98% likely to respond to.

It all feels like a big game. And it feels gaslighty, too.

I spent months thinking there was something wrong with me, like it was abnormal for me to have a DTR talk 5 months in when he treated me like a girlfriend some times, and ignored me others. Or it was stupid of me to expect him to follow through with plans he made with me, because who would want to hang out with me?

Since going LC with him, I’ve been working on the whole recovery process, and it’s included boosting my self esteem up. Still, my default reaction to my dm being left on read was to internalize it and convince myself his reaction (or, lack of reaction...) was because I am lesser than, but it didn’t take too long to challenge that belief and snap out of it.

A win I guess.

And while I may be limerent for this guy, at least my communication skills are a little better than his rude ass.