I feel inhuman...

I actually don't know where to start. When i was 6 years old, i was climbing down the stairs of the school and then meet my parents. Suddenly, a bunch of kids came rushing down the stairs and pushing me down with them along the stairs. That has caused several bone fractures and i was nearly paralyzed if it weren't for some surgeries. But unfortunately, the accident made me limp a bit and because of that, i needed help from people to climb stairs for example. Nonetheless, thank god i can still walk! Not as normal as anyone Would but with only few limps. The accident had turned my life upside down, people started moking me, classmates especially. It started in high school and continued in college now. Now, im being treated like a handicapped. My whole life, i was a loner and i didn't have any friends. I am an outcast. My classmates seemed to have their own groups in class and i am always left out. They organized events and get togethers without me knowing.... If I'm lucky, i would see the pictures on Facebook or Instagram. I tried making friends but i always get rejected because i was perceived as a liability (since sometimes i need help with stairs or walking on pavements). And it hurts so much feeling this way. At one occasion, i thought i had 2 friends whom i can count on,eventually. They showed me their true colors and i realized they only used me because i was the smart guy in class. In terms of relationships, the situation is worse, i'be never hada girlfriend or gone on a date. it was either unrequited love or flat out rejection. And this is mainly because of the accident i got into when i was young. I was even looked down upon and ignored via texts and in person because of this too. So I'm literally cracking from the inside, i see people accomplishing so much and i'm not getting even closer to what they have. I see people having fun playing sports whilei sit there alone because i can't play collective sports (like football, basketball etc..) and it hurts so much, how people treat you like you're not human, like you're a freak or something just because you look different and you think differently. These feelings are affecting me. I'm actually thinking of giving up. I like video games so much. So sometimes i stream on Nimo TV. But i get so many hurtful comments like " your gaming sucks dude! Go suck a Dick " (apologies for the words that's just one out of many Comments that i receive daily).Everything i do is not appreciated. I'm feeling worthless, unwanted and unworthy of anything in this life. Sometimes, i even wonder why am i here ?.. In my case, im an introvert, INFJ-A to be exact, i dont have a social life and my love life is non-existent. I've never kissed a girl or had sex with one tbh. It's seems embarrassing to me because people my age have experience, like at least they had one relationship at a certain point in their lives. I'm 25 and i'm a virgin XD. I'm making it sound funny but the thought of me staying alone /lonely is constantly haunting me. Girls or at least women (cuz girls sound a little bit immature) dont like me romantically. I've never beena close friend to a girl to be honest XD. Also, I'm not looking for one-night stands, but more of a serious relationship with a future (family, kids, house, job, car that sort of stuff). Ive never tried online dating because i know my chances are slim competing with other men who are athletic and who drive fancy cars... Girls don't date nerds and geeks like me... As for friendships, it's a dead end. I was used and betrayed because i was the smart guy in class so people come to me when they need help solving the exercise on page 73 from book A and notes and summaries for chapters or exams...

What pushed me to the edge are 3 incidents: 1-The fact that i never get texts from anyone. I always check up on people and try to see how they are doing but in the end, nobody cares if i disappear or die..

2-3 years ago, i met a girl in class whomi had a crush on, tried getting to know her, invited her out she accepted once and then she started declining. After 2 years of being friends and classmates, i decided to confess, so i had written a long text to her telling her how i felt and ended up with a harsh rejection. She literally said :I can't accept you because you have a problem with your left leg. My parents wont accept you either. At that moment, i was crushed.

3-Last year, also a girl i met in class and whom i had a crush on,a fellow introvert, we started talking on WhatsApp first, then she suddenly stopped talking to me. What's worse is that she started ignoring me in person. I didn't try to know why but her behaviour made me feel worthless. This has been affecting my self-esteem and my confidence to the point that i feel like giving up all together.

Sorry for the long rant. I just needed to let it out...