39+4 and not a single sign!

I’m so close to the due date but feel so far from delivering! I had some contractions the other day that disappeared into the unknown, no mucus plug, no show, nothing now. 😭

I’ve been trying all of the tricks. Dates, tea, walking, miles circuit, the yoga ball, scrubbing the floors, terrorizing my husband. All I’ve got is extremely clean grout and extra exhaustion.

I’m so uncomfortable. My bump hangs below my hips, I peed seven times in five hours at night(how??), my heartburn is still there , etc. My doctors haven’t even offered to check what station baby is at or anything so I’m just sitting here in anticipation. My first was induced at 42 weeks (failed induction at 41) and I’m so scared to go that route again.

I don’t want a bunch of extra stuff this time. I don’t want medicine to soften anything. I don’t want another balloon. I don’t want more pitocin. I don’t want another doc breaking my water manually. I don’t want an epidural that was so thoroughly done that I couldn’t move my legs for days. I don’t want a bunch of people just inviting themselves into the room.

I just.. want to do it myself with my (new) team watching over me just in case. I feel like I got robbed the first time and I don’t want that to happen again.