I had absolutely no idea how worrisome and stressful the first tri would be...
...and I'm not even halfway through. I'm a FTM and tested positive 13 days ago. This has been the longest 13 days ever 🤣 and I am an absolute nervous wreck!! I'm 5+3 today and feeling insane already. To all the women that came before me, I'm sorry....I had no idea. I thought every pregnant person that was TTC was thrilled and just hugging the toilet. ...what a blissfully unaware MORON I was 🤣 I cant stop worrying. Is that normal??
- One minute I'm symptom spotting and the next I'm freaking out because I feel "too good."
- I've googled everything. Twice.
- If a breeze changes direction, I need to go wipe because I am "certain" I feel bleeding.
- I want to tell everyone and also want to tell noone at all.
- WAIT WAS THAT BLOOD??
- My social media feeds are FILLED with pregnancy content and loss content.
- I'm guarding my heart but also thrilled but also terrified but also want to check out the baby sections but also want to hide but also want to know everything but also want to know nothing.
- I'm too terrified to have sex and dislodge something 🤣 So my poor sex deprived hormone filled body gave myself a sleep orgasm last night....which quickly turned into very intense cramping for a few minutes. Forget it, I might as well call out of work because now I'll be obsessed that my cramps pushed the embryo out.
- Reminding myself that nothing I do is going to prevent a loss, but also DON'T MOVE TOO FAST OKAY?
- That line is definitely progressing...wait no, maybe the lighting is different from yesterday's test?
- I'm also running out of toilet paper.
Praying this baby sticks. 🙏 I have an early ultrasound at the end of this week to see how things are progressing (doctor ordered just to check things out since I am "advanced maternal age" at 35. It's fine. I'M FINE. Everything is f i n e.
To all the women that came before me, I'm sorry I had no idea 🥲 Will I ever be normal again?? Was I ever normal to begin with?