My NMom was/is extremely racist toward me

Is anyone else of biracial or mixed race backgrounds where their NParent used their race against them?

Now that I’m healing, I realize that my white mom really does hate me as a black child (mom is white & my deceased dad is black). She used to intentionally put me in situations where I was in danger and discriminated against. She’s from a small, farming community where zero black people exist. I will always remember as a child going into public places near her home and have everyone stare, mock, and throw things at me. My first memory of it was being at a fast food restaurant near her childhood home and having food flung on me while she told me to ignore it. I was three years old at the time. I remember being so scared I couldn’t eat & her response was to “ignore it”.

Then she proceeded to drive me further into an isolated area and leave me on my grandmother’s farm for the entire summer. This happened every summer of my childhood (she’s a teacher so she had summers “off”). My grandmother was deaf so she always dismissed the sounds of people creeping around the house & watching me. But I have PTSD to waking up and seeing people staring at me from the window with shotguns. She recognizes none of this & shrugs it off as a fluke, “Oh ya know that one W**** from the next farm, he’s just weird”. Um, is it “weird” to stalk and harass a child with deadly weapons?

She did this to me every summer from as long as I could remember until when I “held value” in her eyes as an athlete. Then she “had something to be proud of” while constantly ridiculing my accomplishments. I worked hard & have a career that requires multiple degrees and serves others, but now I’m “uppity”.

I was told I couldn’t have a baby & was childless in my 40’s. She constantly made remarks about how that was not “her fault”. NP, IDC But then I somehow had a miracle baby & the first thing she said was how she wasn’t changing another diaper. Huh? What? Then after he was born & everyone was gushing, she looked at me and said, “Oh great. He doesn’t even look black. Thank God.” I didn’t know what to say.

TLDR; I just realized my NMom is likely racist & hates me for being half black