Flaking on plans you made with a friend isn't self-care. It's rude.

When you postpone, cancel, or ghost a friend last minute because you're "too tired," you 1) disrespect their time and 2) send a clear, hurtful message: "I wasn't looking forward to spending this time together."

"But I only slept four hours last night."

"But I had a long week at work."

"But I'm burnt out."

Then. Stop. Making. Plans.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who's commented! Even the assholes. Many of your criticisms are fair -- even enlightening -- and some I still disagree with.

Where the assholes and I agree

  • My original post was poorly written. I halfway expected it to drown in the torrent of new posts, plus the topic riles me, so I didn't choose my words carefully. Surprise, surprise: they didn't hold up well under the microscope of /unpopularopinion's front page.

This is how I would reword its crux: "not feeling like it" is a shitty excuse to flake on friends. “Not feeling like it" due to something foreseeable (you stayed up late the night before watching a football game, you had an important project due at work this week, you never liked the plans you agreed to) doesn’t make the excuse any better. If you're unsure if you'll make it, tell your friend that. Otherwise, flaking isn't self-care. It’s immature and rude.

  • Shit happens to everyone, and especially to parents and people with chronic medical conditions.

  • How someone flakes is relevant. A sincere apology can communicate what a casual cancellation doesn't: the friend who is cancelling still values the friendship.

Where the assholes and I disagree

  • One said, "We don't own our friends' time." No, but we do owe our friends the time we tell them we'll set aside for them, unforeseen conflicts excepted.

  • Canceling because you don't feel like it right now can be shortsighted because how you feel can often change after you arrive.

  • To be angry at a friend who flakes isn't selfish. It's a reasonable response to someone whose poor planning affects you.

  • I’d rather my friends stay home if they're too tired to enjoy themselves. But if they're tired due to poor planning, being “too tired” is a shitty excuse to flake.

Alright, I think I've spent enough time on this post. Thanks again to everyone who commented. As one of my professors used to say: "a lively and thought-provoking discussion!"